I have been married for almost a year now and I’ve got to say there have been some challenges but a lot of amazing experiences my Husband and I have shared together.
On the 4th September 2016, I lost my baby to a miscarriage. I know the title of this blog post is ‘The Secret of Happiness’, so I promise I won’t make you cry. So it’s been just over 4 months since I lost my baby and I have to tell you it has been a struggle to go through. At the time I didn’t realise how common this was in pregnant women, I think it’s something like 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in a miscarriage. Before I knew this I started to blame myself for what happened. I kept saying, ‘was it something I did wrong?’, ‘why is this happening to me?’ I’ve come to realise that our Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us, and if things like this happen, they happen for a reason. People ask me whether I will try again, I say yes eventually, but I’m not sure when. When they ask me that it does put pressure on me, but I know I will get pregnant again and I will have a baby, I just have to be patient.
I wanted to remember the baby, so I have made a note of things, I don’t want to forget. That baby will always have a place in my heart. I am going to keep my pregnancy notes and my documents I have from this pregnancy and keep them in a safe place. I don’t want to just forget it ever happened, I never will, and I’m okay with that. My husband and I, we lost our child and that’s something worth remembering. I also bought a necklace to remember my baby by;
“Though we never saw you,
Never kissed you,
Never held you,
We will always love you.”
I found this poem and it really helped me with the pain and sadness of my loss;
“I carried you every second of your life, and I will LOVE you for every second of mine”.
I am a mother and I will always be a Mother, even if I don’t end up having children. I believe you become a mother as soon as you find out you are expecting, not just when you give birth to a child.
I love my baby and I always will. As I said, my baby will always have a place in my heart.
I have learnt from this experience, to be grateful for what I have, a home, food, a husband to take care of me and be with me at times like this, a family outside of my home and support of friends and loved ones. I could list many more blessings I have in my life and every time I list them, it makes me feel a whole lot better. Count your blessings, for this I believe to be the secret of happiness!
“Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done.”
LDS Hymns – ‘Count your Blessings’